Art Thoughts

If I put down what was really in my head...my artwork would get a lot more attention...

...Not a bad idea actually.

I don't put as much time into art as my mind likes the idea of. Maybe someday. Right now I'm just trying to get by in life.

Over the past year I've been working on a series called "Inspire". And I have recently begun a series I call "Pets Alive Abstracts".

OH! and I FINALLY finished my "Series to Nowhere"! THAT'S been a long time in the making!

I have an "Ignorant Art" mixed media series in my head I'm starting as well...Should be interesting.

Pets Alive Abstracts

I have officially started a new series of paintings titled "Pets Alive Abstracts"!

This will be a series of 12in x 16in Abstract Acrylic Paintings of some of the animals at Pets Alive.

I have started off this series with an abstract of Pets Alive's Cam.

Some of the Pets Alive animals I have in mind for this are:

Cam, Bindi, Gracie, Houma and Scrappy. I will likely include Amanda in this series as well.

100% of all Artist Proceeds from this series will ALWAYS go to Pets Alive.

I will also make the originals available for purchase, again, with all Artist Proceeds (minus costs - materials, shipping, etc.) going directly to Pets Alive.

We Support Pets Alive - In Memory of Egypt

I'm pretty excited about this.

I'm always trying to think up a new way to help support Pets Alive.

This morning, another way came to me!

For as little as a confirmed $10.00 donation to Pets Alive, I will put a *permanent link to your website/blog/social network identity on the In Memory of Egypt page!

Just make a $10.00 (or more) donation to Pets Alive, include a note that it's for In Memory of Egypt and the link you wish to have posted, and once I am notified I'll set it up!

It's that simple!

For everything they already do for Pets Alive, I have posted links to Sidewalk Angels Foundation and OneMeaning on the In Memory of Egypt page.

*Permanent Link valid through the life of The Home Zoo's website.
**ALL LINKS MUST BE FAMILY-FRIENDLY!
***No co-ownership or rights or anything implied for anything or anyone.
****I am conducting this promotion on my own. I have no official association with Pets Alive.

Webs.com Support Chat Part II: Jason Returns

Welcome to webs, for instant answers to all of your questions please visit our Knowledge Base by clicking here.

You are now chatting with 'Jason'.

Jason: Hello, how may I assist you?

Anthony: i can't seem to actually post in the Rants and Raves forums. i figured that would be the safest bet for where i could post.

Anthony: also, don't know if it's on my end or not, but i was not able to get into the "submit a ticket" part of the support section so i had to try "chat"

Jason: Have you been blocked from posting into the forums?

Anthony: they never said that they blocked me

Anthony: just that further abuse (whatever the abuse was) would result in whatever

Jason: Did you have an abuse email?

Jason: Then you have been removed from the Forums

Jason: Further abuse would result in a refund and a removal of your webs account.

Anthony: "Dear Webs User, It has come to our attention that you have not been following the rules of the Open Forums within the Community section of Webs. Posting in the wrong section or posting to have other members visit your site outside of The Bragging Place is a violation. Any future violations will result in site suspension. Webs Abuse Department"

Anthony: i really would like to know what the abuse was as a paying client as apposed to the clients that join webs for free

Jason: Yes you have been removed from using the forums

Anthony: i would think there would be a different sort of warning first like a slap on the wrists

Jason: sorry..

Anthony: policy is policy

Jason: Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Anthony: i'd like to find out how i can be notified of what the abuse was

Anthony: that would be top

Jason: I am sorry... if you have been removed, you cannot be re-added

Jason: nor will our abuse team take the time to respond to you.

Anthony: if not then i guess i'd like to know what the refund policy is and how i would i be able to keep all of my website files and formats

Jason: We would refund you for your sites and remove everything from our servers.

Anthony: it's only a couple hundred dollars but, it's more than the free users

Jason: You would need to find another provider all together.

Anthony: i understand that

Jason: Yes, you would no longer have access to any of our free accounts as well

Anthony: but with it being through site builder, would i need to switch to HTML and copy all my code?

Anthony: and then somehow download all my files?

Jason: no, you would need to start over at a different provider

Anthony: my content i'm speaking of

Anthony: the stuff that is under my copyright

Jason: yes you would need to create new content at a new provider

Anthony: no Jason

Jason: That is why we remove it from our servers.

Anthony: i'm speaking of things that i own

Jason: As I said, that is why we remove it from our servers...

Anthony: is there any method that webs makes it easier for me to have that stuff in my posetion

Anthony: possession

Jason: we are not a storage facility.., you are responsible for storing your own content

Anthony: and that's what i just stated

Anthony: not ONCE did i say ANYTHING about you all storing it

Anthony: did i?

Anthony: i was attempting to ask

Jason: As I said, we will remove your account and provide you with a refund

Anthony: is there an easy method for me to get my stuff off of your servers

Anthony: i wish you would stop and listen a moment

Jason: no, you will need to rebuild your content somewhere lse

Jason: else

Anthony: you're not listening so next subject

Anthony: how much of a refund?

Anthony: this is all being logged and recorded btw

Jason: I will process it and send it to the billing department

Anthony: i didn't ask that

Jason: absolutely

Anthony: i asked how much

Anthony: what is the percentage

Jason: whatever is pro-rated of what you have pre-paid

Anthony: like 10% off per month?

Jason: if you paid for a year, and there is 2 months left, that is what you would get credited

Anthony: ah ok

Anthony: didn't know if there would be like a huge chunk taken off the top or anything

Anthony: thanks Jason. i'll get back to you, i guess, when i figure out what i want to do.

Anthony: and i mean it. thank you for putting up with me.

Jason: I will send this through to billing.

Anthony: no

Anthony: i didn't ask for that

Jason: So you can find a new provider...

Anthony: i wanted to find out so i can be informed before i make a decision

Jason: We obviously cannot make you happy, you are not able to post in the forums

Anthony: i really hoped you would have handled this better Jason. you'll be hearing more at the next meeting.

Webs.com Support Chat

Welcome to webs, for instant answers to all of your questions please visit our Knowledge Base by clicking here.

You are now chatting with 'Jason'.

Jason: Hello, how may I assist you?

Anthony: Every one of my support tickets is getting closed without a response.

Anthony: i understand i'm a bit ****y in them, but it's very frustrating

Anthony: i show much support for webs.com with all the struggles it has, then i have a few issues and they are not addressed, even with 3 accounts i put money into.

Anthony: oh and, hey Jason. :) hope the rest of your day has been going better than right now.

Jason: np

Jason: Let me take some time and help you out.

Jason: if you are pissy in your tickets, it is possible that our techs will not assist.

Anthony: i definitely understand that. i've been on that end plenty of times.

Anthony: but the first one, with unauthorized use of my email address, has been something i've tried to calmly have addressed about 4 times before.

Jason: Tell me what is going on, and I will help.

Anthony: then i get a notification today that i abused the forums somehow, with no explanation of how or where. and trying to submit the ticket, the support page glitches out and 2 get submitted and they both are already closed.

Anthony: well, to address the first issue: i have an issue with webs' policy of using MY email address to email people that comment or sign my website to ask them to join my website

Jason: Lets start with one issue and deal with it at a time.

Jason: That is a webs policy....

Anthony: let's try this out though:

Jason: We are not going to change a webs policy for a single user... sorry

Anthony: a pedafile signs some kid's website

Anthony: now he has her email address

Anthony: which is then traced back to her home

Jason: Regardless of your logic... this is a webs policy.

Anthony: but that's cool i understand if i'm the only paying customer complaining about it

Anthony: so, with that out of the way, and thank you for dealing with me on that one.

Jason: Have you added that into our feedback form?

Anthony: where did i violate the forums?

Jason: We want feedback from our users.

Anthony: oh yeah, i've definitely written that email thing all over the place, the forum, to the twitter, the feedback form, the blog. all that.

Jason: You only need to enter it once... that is enough for us to register it

Jason: In regards to the Forums

Anthony: i guess i'm the only one with an issue on the email thing then. it surprises me

Anthony: yeah, that email was all: you abused the forums! don't do it again or we'll take further action!

Jason: You may not be the only one..

Jason: Ok..

Jason: lets deal with that.

Jason: 1. We are working very hard to implement positive changes to how we handle support at webs.

Jason: We now are offering 24/7 live chat for all Premium Users.

Jason: We are also wanting to work with all of our members so that we can build a forum community that is POSITIVE and helps all members grow

Jason: If we have members that are not wanting to make the forums a positive place to be, we will gladly provide you with a refund and recommend that you find a different provider that would like your style of feedback.

Anthony: but i do use a positive attitude AND informative attitude in the forums

Anthony: that's what has me upset

Anthony: nobody is telling me what i did wrong.

Anthony: because as far as i know, it's all productive that i do in there.

Jason: Well I do not have your Forum posts in front of me

Anthony: that's why i put in the ticket

Anthony: and PLEASE check this out real quick to see if i was an ass:

Anthony: "As somebody that tries very hard to adhere to the rules of the forums, expresses support of webs.com when it constantly crashes, and between ninbroken52, thehomezoo and boxheadandglove has spent over $200 on your services, i would appreciate being informed of exactly where my forums violation was. thank you"

Jason: however, if you are getting an abuse email, then I can say that is not what we are looking for

Anthony: but, i don't know where the abuse was.

Anthony: i keep my bragging in the bragging place

Anthony: i keep on topic

Anthony: and i don't reply with: i don't know, good question.

Jason: Well, lets start with webs constantly crashing...

Jason: If you have an issue, we want to know about it so that we can fix it.

Jason: We are not building a positive community if our members are all complaining about constant crashing, when that is not what happens.

Jason: If you have an issue, we want to hear about it. We have over 20,000 new customers each and everyday, so we definitely have some growing pains like any other company experiencing massive growth

Anthony: i'm just speaking from what i've seen. i consider once to twice a week of either not being able to get on my site or in my account constant.

Anthony: that's definitely true

Anthony: and i'm happy for the company

Jason: Why can you not get into your site.

Jason: What is the error?

Jason: What browser are you using?

Anthony: i just feel like today and with the email it's pointing a nasty finger at me when all i'm trying to do is have some websites

Jason: What version?

Anthony: i've used everything from IE to firefox. these were issues that were addressed by webs.

Anthony: from IE7 and 8 to FF3 to 3.5

Jason: Well we have not had any issues like that in the last 2 months

Jason: so what did we fix for you?

Anthony: that's what i'm saying

Anthony: whenever i bring up an issue

Jason: In June we had an outage related to HD issues

Anthony: it just fades away

Jason: no, I want to know about your issue, an error code

Jason: I work on FACTS...

Anthony: yeah that one stung. but it was nice that you guys were twittering about it and i felt a lot better about the issue and became interested in it

Jason: that is what we can fix... not just blanket statements

Jason: that was the first major issue in 6 years

Jason: I would consider that pretty good...

Anthony: i haven't had any error codes when it just says cannot connect to website, server connection timed out

Anthony: oh i thought that it was awesome

Anthony: i'm not being sarcastic or anything.

Jason: Have you run a traceroute from your machine to the server?

Anthony: i enjoyed the tweeting about it and was genuinely interested and wasn't worried about when the site came back up

Anthony: i feel like all of this is diverting from the issue i put in today's support ticket for: where was my abuse in the forums

Jason: No, our forum moderators obviously do not want you to participate in the forums as they do not feel that it is positive for the community

Anthony: which is fine. i just won't use the forums anymore because i don't want to continue to get emails about abuse then i get obnoxiously worked up like the people i couldn't stand when i did helpdesk

Anthony: i just wish i knew what i did wrong.

Jason: So I will take the time to provide one on one support to you to help solve the issues you have been having.

Jason: So, in regards to your not logging into the server...

Jason: have you done a traceroute from your machine to the server?

Jason: when you are getting the errors?

Anthony: i'm more concerned about the forums abuse

Jason: or just not able to connect?

Anthony: i understand the company has growing issues

Jason: Well... here is the frustrating part..

Jason: I would LIKE to help you...

Anthony: i just think it's messed up for the company to point the finger at a paying client when they're not perfect

Anthony: it would help if i knew what my abuse was

Jason: but if you want to just focus on the forums and complaining, then there is nothing I can do to help

Anthony: my complaint is that i don't have any evidence of my abuse

Jason: Our moderators obviously think what you posted was abuse, and that is what started this.

Anthony: i've posted over 200 times in the forums

Jason: Would you like some help with the connection issues you have had in the past?

Anthony: that's the problem lol

Anthony: no Jason. thank you.

Anthony: i hope the rest of the people you handle today aren't such a pain as i've been. i mean that.

Jason: ok, so next time you cannot connect to webs.. I would appreciate if you would not complain.... as I am wanting to teach you how you can troubleshoot the problem and fix it.

Anthony: i've done tech support up to data forensics.

Anthony: i'm fine over here.

Anthony: it's time for beer

Jason: Ok, then you should know that your connection issue is not a webs issue.

Jason: Perfect.. so the statement of webs being constantly down is not something that is backed up by FACT... just assumption.

Anthony: Jason. it's ok.

Jason: I want to help you find out if the issue is ours... so that we can fix something if we need to...

Anthony: no

Anthony: you want to put me in my place

Anthony: i'm just words on a screen

Anthony: i'm not your entire day

Jason: Not at all... we want to fix all of the issues over here..

Anthony: it will get better.

Anthony: have a nice evening

Just Read Life is Good

Tonight I read Life is Good by Trixie Koontz, dog. It took me about an hour to finish it, including breaks.

I LOVE Trixie's writing style. I'm completely convinced she's really the one who wrote The Darkest Evening of the Year.

It was a very fun book; very easy to read.

And it made a lot of sense.

I highly recommend everyone pick up a copy and flip through it.

Started Reading The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty

Started reading The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty (Sleeping Beauty) by A. N. Roquelaure, Anne Rice.

VERY intense!

BoxHead And Glove Site Launched!

This was an idea that came about while bored working in a trophy shop with a friend years ago.

We actually took a karate figure shipment box and cut holes in it and that became BoxHead And a whole slew of teenage humor cartoon/comics/etc. came to mind.

One day we were opening some more boxes and this glove with gold pigment from trophy figures all over it just appeared out of nowhere.

Thus BoxHead And Glove were born!

Up until recently, the only thing to ever come of it was a set of silkscreened shirts for ourselves with the logo and some stuff on the back.

With how easy it is to create on the web, I've reborn BoxHead And Glove!

Check it out!

BoxHead And Glove
YEAH!

Jekyll & Hyde

First: I love the bottles and the graphics and the read on the back of them.

I think it's a GREAT concept.

So, I took a chance and bought them. First twist of the cap and that was useless from then on. Both caps became non-functional right away. But hey, things happen. But it was a sign that it wasn't a high-end product.

Flat-out, it was god aweful. And I've drank some crap stuff before. The ONLY thing that salvaged it was some Red Bull. I do see on the website some mixed drinks for this and that DOES sound nice!

But for the most part, it tasted in such a way where I seriously wondered if something was going to happen to me if I drank too much of it, and not in a fun way either.

I DO love how the liquids seperate in the glass though! THAT was awesome!

So, it seems even from the website that this is even more of a mixed drink than the just the two bottles mixing together. And I must say that I am VERY curious to try some now.

But, what about Hyde being an Absinthe, and Jekyll being like a cherry Red Bull flavor? Or maybe that could be an entirely new drink all together called The Joker.

Having drank about 1/4 each bottle (WITH full cans of Red Bull each shot worth) I can definitely see this as a base for mixed drinks. I think I was looking for something more of a stand alone drink.

PLEASE put some money into the caps! PLEASE!

Website: Jekyll & Hyde

So! It was a BIG DAY today!

I sold my FIRST TWO prints on fine art america!

Very Exciting!

First:

Congratulations to FAA member Anthony Trott who sold a 8.00" x 5.38" print of Angel earlier today!

Image Size: 8.00" x 5.38"
Print Material: Glossy Finish Canvas
Frame: None
Mat: None

Finish: Gallery Wrapped - 1.5" Stretcher Bars - Back Stapled - Mirrored Image Sides

Second:

Congratulations to FAA member Anthony Trott who sold a 8.00" x 5.25" print of Fan Coral earlier today!

Image Size: 8.00" x 5.25"
Print Material: Glossy Finish Canvas
Frame: None
Mat: None
Finish: Gallery Wrapped - 1.5" Stretcher Bars - Back Stapled - Mirrored Image Sides

Such an awesome feeling!

And, of course, the Artist Proceeds will be going to Pets Alive!

I love figuring out new ways to help out Pets Alive. And, it's an incredible feeling to put something out there and someone takes a look at it and says "I want that."

It's a happy day!

Vet Clinic for Pets Alive in Middletown, NY

I am starting two different campaigns to help Pets Alive get an on-site Vet Clinic. I will run both campaigns until the clinic is built!

1. Through My Artwork:

100% of ALL Artist Proceeds will go DIRECTLY towards the construction of a Vet Clinic, until it is finished, for Pets Alive in Middletown, NY.

My Artwork


2. Donations Through Egypt's Story:

In Memory of Egypt

SPREAD THE WORD!!!!

thank you!

Anthony

Comedians

Comedians are probably the only people in the world that consistently willingly and INSISTANTLY work longer than they're scheduled to.

How often have you heard some joke about a Comedian that needed to be pulled off stage because his act ran too long?

All the time!

Take ANY other profession in the WORLD... And more often than not, you'll find that the majority of people either show up a few minutes late, leave a few minutes early, or both!

So what is it about Comedians?

The dedication?

The spotlight?

The fame?

It's the MONEY!

That's right!

It's ALL about the MONEY!

They're not leavin' that stage until they get PAID dammit!

And that's final!

How I Came Across Pets Alive

I was surfing the web, looking for rodeo abuse articles to link to, and I came across this article on SHARK:

After seeing videos of the 2007 Cheyenne Frontier Days Rodeo from SHowing Animals Respect and Kindness (SHARK), Rob Thomas and Matchbox 20 decided to withdraw from the line-up.

Cheyenne Frontier Days Headliner Withdraws! Matchbox Twenty Cites Rodeo Animal Abuse

Press Release Found on SHARK:

April 10, 2008
Regrettably, Matchbox Twenty will not be able to perform at Cheyenne Frontier Days on July 18th. After careful consideration it was decided that the participating in this event would directly contradict the mission statement of SIDEWALK ANGELS FOUNDATION, our non profit organization. The other members of Matchbox Twenty support this decision and while we understand that a great deal of effort went into the planning of this show, and apologize to any and all fans who purchased tickets to see us, we ask that they please understand that it would be impossible for us to put ourselves in the position of making money from what we believe to be the mistreatment of animals.
Sincerely,
Rob and Marisol Thomas and The Sidewalk Angels Foundation

How incredible is that?

Plenty of people just go about their business every day, not doing anything more than they need to in order to get by. Some people find it's good PR to "sponsor" or be founding members of a non-profit organization.

And then you have Rob and Marisol Thomas and Matchbox 20 actually going out there and doing incredible things with their non-profit organization, and standing ground with it. They could have easily still headlined that show, but they chose to stick with their beliefs and not play.

I thought that was just incredible. Here are people that don't need to think about anyone but themselves showing the entire world they really do care.

On that note, Bon Jovi and several others have been shown videos of rodeo abuse as well. The show went on.

So of course I checked out the Sidewalk Angels Foundation website.

From there, I found a link to Pets Alive, read about Rob and Marisol Thomas's experience there and passion for them, and just fell in love with the place.

Sidewalk Angels Foundation

"Established by Rob and Marisol Thomas, Sidewalk Angels Foundation is a New York-based non-profit organization that works hand-in-hand with charities in and around America's big cities. Life in the city can be so fast that those in need are often passed by. People who are destitute or homeless and get lost in the system; those who cannot afford proper medical care; animals that have been abandoned or abused -- these are universal problems that Sidewalk Angels encourages people to address locally."

Rob and Marisol Thomas also help support Pets Alive.

Pets Alive

"Pets Alive is a no-kill animal shelter, located in the foothills of the Catskill Mountains, about 1 1/2 hours from New York City. Our mission is to rescue, rehabilitate, and place animals in need. Victims of neglect, abuse, and violence, many of them have special needs and have been rejected by other organizations.
Animals at the sanctuary range from dogs and cats to farm animals, exotic birds, and many others. Many of the animals at Pets Alive are older, have special needs or require special care."

I think any organization that really helps the sick and the homeless (human or non-human) is just incredible.

But the heart and passion that go directly into Pets Alive is like none other. It's not like larger organizations where they mostly encourage you to donate your wallet to them, then spend it all on mass mail and advertising.

Pets Alive has actual NEEDS, and they're not evening gowns for events praising all the good they do. Have some new dog toys? An extra 100 foot garden hose? 3-lb paper trays? Paper towels? Know how to paint a fence or a barn maybe? Monetary donations are of course welcome as well, and it all goes towards these things in the first place.

Wait... I did what?

So, over the last few days I've gotten some members on my site.

I have NO IDEA why a site needs members and all that stuff. Most I gather is that members are placed on a mailing list so I can SPAM them.

That, and I can set things so THEY can blog on MY website and whatever.

Besides having a list of people to SPAM, I don't really get it, not for just an average website. Maybe if I was a business and all that, but I'm not.

So, why all of a sudden are people signing up on my website?

Good question!

APPARENTLY I've SPAMMED them, "inviting" them to join my website!

Wait... I did what? When did I do that?

OH! APPARENTLY webs takes care of that FOR ME!

And I don't see ANYWHERE where I actually have a SAY in this matter!

So, I've opened a ticket with them about it because THAT'S some dick-move bullshit right there!

I can see having that feature, but it should be [OFF] by default!

Spend around $100 with webs to setup your website to be more official and professional and what you get in return is being made out to be some dickhead that SPAMS people after they were considerate enough to take the time to read your blog and comment on it.

Nice webs, real nice.

And of COURSE you're MORE THAN welcome to join my site. The more I think about it, the niftier I think it is to have a mailing list and the ABILITY to allow others to post content on my site.

It's just... I should be able to turn that feature on or off myself.

Now, they HAVE suggested that I could access "My Members" and prevent people from becoming members...

But that's kind of missing the point isn't it?

I mean, also, after sending someone an email to join my site, I'm going to reject their membership TO my site? Ok then...

I'm not saying that I don't WANT site members. I'm saying that I don't want webs to SPAM people, on my behalf, that have commented on my site.

There are certainly far worse things out there in the world.

I just see this as very rude.

Of Course...

Of course I finally make a point of going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight and I can't sleep.

My mind is WIDE AWAKE.

I've made a LOT of mistakes in my life. I feel a LOT of guilt about a lot of things, some reasonable, some not.

I miss my dogs incredibly. I miss all the animals I've had.

My apartment complex is now allowing MY BUILDING to have SMALL dogs.

I had a HUGE loss a few years back. EVERYTHING I loved and cared about was taken from me. Hey, I wasn't the worst person in the world, but I don't blame her for leaving. We weren't that close, not for two people living together.

My heart's been pretty closed off to taking care of another animal since then. I have opened it some to caring for animals, but not of my own, though I do feel the void and wish to fill it. I keep thinking about the breeders D'Argo and Shere Khan came from and how I would love to go through them again for a Great Dane, but also I would love to rescue a Great Dane as well.

I'm not closed off to other dogs by far. You see, that part isn't about the new animals in my life. It's about denial of the ones that were in my life not being there anymore.

I gave up my first dog only a few months after I had her. She was part wolf, part husky, from my sister's dog, Apache. I'm strict about what my animals eat and the care for them. And my parents, especially my mom, do as they please. And I find that EXTREMELY disrespectful. Living with them at the time, I was fairly young, between knowing that they would contribute to making her unhealthy, and my mom convincing me that it was best not to have her, I gave her to someone that she worked with that had a dog already that was part wolf.

It was a bit hard, but I knew it was the right thing to do? She went with him just fine, I watched through the window, until they got to his truck and she just struggled and didn't want to go in. We spent every moment together for that short time we had together. I wanted to run outside and take her back, but I did nothing. I hated seeing her struggling not to get in that truck.

I've got a TON of other guilt about my animals in me, everything from feeling guilty about their deaths, to feeling like I didn't do the right things for them, to realizing some were better off without me.

So my apartment complex is allowing small dogs in this building, which is wonderful. It's just a little bit of something that makes it feel a little bit more like an actual home, even if I'm not in a position to have a dog of my own right now. It still feels nice knowing that I don't HAVE TO buy a house in order to have a dog. I'm not much on small dogs, but it's something.

I've been thinking about him more and more. I'm definitely thinking about him a TON tonight. It's so weird too. I mean, I'm still building up the scars over my heart and all that when it comes to animals. I've only seen him in person really once, but there is just something about this dog Houma over at Pets Alive. He's got the most INCREDIBLE scar all down his back, and all I see is beauty.

So of course I'm transferring money over to my PayPal account and I want to help sponsor him (He's been going through SO MUCH lately). I know the money's not much, but at least it's a little bit more than they had before.

Then I started thinking, "Oh my god! With everything that's been going on with him, so many people are finding out about his story. There's no way he's going to be there for very long once everything's going smooth." And that's good, good for him, upsetting as hell for me right now. Now being able to have a "SMALL" dog? isn't good enough. Because I know the dog I want. And I STILL can't have him.

Dean Koontz basically said, when you get a dog, it's the most pure form of selflessness there is. The most pure love, all that. You take in a dog, open up your home and your heart to it KNOWING, in most cases, that it will die long before you do.

I guess I'm still waiting for that time when I actually get to that point. I had Egypt for under a year. She had to be put to sleep. She spent the rest of her life with me. And I always feel her inside of me. My three boys and even my girl from years ago, I miss them and love them, and wonder what ever happened with them and if they're still alive - D'Argo showed that he'd need hip surgery at some point in his life - but I still feel that in part, at times, they were mine at one point, but the reality of it is they turned into someone else's. Egypt was with me in the winter of her life, but with me until the very end.

I've lost more that I've opened my heart to than handfuls of people experience in their lives. Plenty of it was my own doing.

I'd just like to get it right some day.

I am trying to believe.

YOU can make the difference!

Now, some of you may have seen me talking about this. This Sunday (04/19/09) @ 7:00PM, Middletown's own Manhattan Comedy Club is hosting a night of comedy to benefit Pets Alive!

And MANY of you have seen me talk about how wonderful a place Pets Alive is. They do the best they can for dogs like little Houma that just have the most wonderful spirits, and other very special dogs like little Bindi. Bindi is just SO special! A very special companion.

These are the precious lives you will be helping by either attending this event - details found at Pets Alive - or, MORE IMPORTANTLY, FINDING ME A DATE to this event!

That's right! YOU can help the lives of these WONDERFUL (and special) creatures just by finding me a date for the show!

Qualifications:

1. MUST BE FEMALE!
2. MUST BE FEMALE!
3. MUST BE ATTRACTIVE!
4. MUST BE ALIVE!
5. SHOULD BE SINGLE!

For the pets.

Easter Eggs

I have finally started leaving some of the "Inspire" paintings around town for people to take!

The ones I leave, I have fittingly decided to mark "Easter Egg" and give the location where I left it. You can click the painting to see an image of where it was dropped off.

Pets Alive Mural

For the past month, on the weekends, I've been primering and painting the hallways and stairway of Pets Alive.

This weekend, I start (and likely finish) the actual mural that will be on the stairway wall.

Now, I'm just someone donating supplies and time to do this for them (I really love what they do and the kind of people they are), but damned if I haven't been a bit emotional this week about this coming weekend.

I'm sure if it all works out well enough (They love the base colors I picked out) that there would be plenty more painting projects for me to do. But... this is the first. And with this first, I've started painting more. I'm looking more into the art world as an actual possibility for at least SOME income. I've made a bigger commitment to my website (Something I've been putting off forever). And I'm really realizing that things can and do happen if you put the effort it takes into them.

It's funny... it seems that the people of Pets Alive often are just amazed at how generous people are with them. I mean, I guess I'm one of those people, one of those people out there that just genuinely loves the place. I don't feel nearly the same way about the ASPCA, or Defenders of Wildlife, or any other organization out there.

It's the people. It's their genuine love and dedication to these lives that so many others would, or even HAVE, turned their backs to. It's the real struggles they go through. And it's the personality of the place. I'd say you wouldn't find another bunch like the people of Pets Alive, but that would be false. You look at the same people in the mirror every day.

Pets Alive isn't just a no-kill shelter or non-profit organization.

Pets Alive is the people working and volunteering there, the animals living there, the people donating their time, effort, supplies, and money. It's everyone, including you and me, making a REAL difference (that you can actually SEE) in the lives of many beautiful creatures.

I think I actually just made this weekend a bit more emotional for me.

To Pets Alive,

Genuine people with a genuine cause.

Prints Now Available!

High quality prints of the "Inspire" series are now available for purchase at fine art amercia!

Finished Reading The Darkest Evening of the Year

Finished reading The Darkest Evening of the Year.

By far the most emotionally intense book I have ever read in my life.

PETA IS the KKK of the Non-Human World

KKKrazy Protest Outside Westminster

I think this is definitely appropriate.

It's just, I see it in a different way than PETA is trying to portray it.

PETA is the one being the KKK.

After all, PETA wants genocide of all Pit Bulls, for NO REAL REASON!

PETA is all about stirring up attention for themselves, NOT for animals.

You're fake PETA, and it's sad.

Once Again...

leaves...

going by a house...

falling... once again...

wind blows...

there is an oder's kiss upon the air...

i have farted... once again...

Inspire Progress

I will be concentrating, for a bit, more on a Mixed Media piece I have in my mind named "Passion".

I also have a pastel in my head, "Regret", to complete the series of four sunflower pastels.

I will work on more "Inspire" pieces as they come to me while working on these others.

Started Reading The Darkest Evening of the Year

Just started reading The Darkest Evening of the Year!

REALLY lookin' forward to this one!

Finished Reading Dragon Tears

Just finished reading Dragon Tears! OMG!!!! SUCH A GOOD BOOK!

And the Afterword was freakin' great!

Because It's Art

I would like to be more productive with my art,
Though I can't make art in production.

I create with pieces of my soul.
If I am down, then what I create is down.

That's why it's art,
And not just a gimmick or design.

Home for the Holidays? ... Lovely...

Look, I didn't exactly grow up in the worst house around or anything. A lot of people would kill for the setup I grew up in.

But it had its moments.

And though I never took the yelling and beatings personally, it still hurt.

My dad has a ton of health issues, worked his ass off his whole life, and has basically been dying since I was a kid, not happily married. I could go on. So, like I said, I didn't take it personally.

With all that I've seen and hated, the parts I didn't want to be, whatever, I am still my father's son, and I do have tendencies of what I grew up in. But I want better, and am capable of it.

So anyways, what I'm building up to is this:

Thanksgiving

So, I went down to my parents' for Thanksgiving. I had no desire to be there, not after how perfect the last Thanksgiving was.

I turn out to be the first one that shows up. 4 1/2 hour drive and I'm still the usually the first out of the 3 of us to show up.

Eventually my dad comes down and sits on the couch. My mom puts a vegetable tray out on the table. And my dad just snaps "Are you gonna eat that or somethin'?" the excuse to snap this time was it being out in the middle of the coffee table and he was taking out his newspaper to read.

It wasn't huge. It certainly wasn't the worst. But I have had it with this crap. And I'm in the pissed off stage of things, realizing I basically just grew older in that house, wasn't raised. (Look, I know we all make choices and counseling, blah, blah, blah. So far, I bring up more insight in any of my sessions than any of the psychologists I've been to. I'll save the $200 thank you.) So I went OFF on him. I mean, I didn't let up or hold back one bit. It wasn't flying off the handle off. It was the persistence of having to say exactly what I intended to say to him in that moment and frame of mind, which mostly consisted of choice language and belittling him, all the while making my way out the door with the food I had brought and some mail that was there. Even passing by as I grabbed the mail, I took some more cutting verbal shots at him, and left.

The theme in my head was basically "Who the **** are you to treat someone this way? I'm sick and tired of it. And I'm sick and tired of being it myself."

So, eventually I come back to the house, the rest of Thanksgiving plays out. I felt extremely uncomfortable being at the house, let alone around my dad.

My family celebrates my birthday when we get together, because it's either right next to it or on the same day, depending on the year. My parents gave me an INCREDIBLE digital camera without even knowing how bad I wanted that exact camera. I mean, I wanted it BAD, the exact color (red) and everything. They also gave me a card "from the cats". The cats seem to give me a lot of cards and money. I like cats. The camera with the card, still in envelope, stayed on my coffee table until the day before leaving again for Christmas. I only touched the card then because I needed whatever money was in there to help with the tolls.

Christmas

Just before Christmas, I was finally able to go out and buy the majority of the gifts for everyone. One trip was to Best Buy where I came across a movie I had forgotten about and REALLY wanted to see, Resurrecting The Champ. What an incredible movie. And what an interesting time to bump into it and actually purchase it and watch it. I had to give it to my dad.

I wanted to write my dad a letter and give it to him; makes it even crazier that I bumped into that movie when I did.

So, I wrote to him what I wanted to say, the things that my family always said with money instead of just using their voice. And I added a bit more, realized from the movie. I typed it up on the computer, and then handwrote it with pen and paper, because handwriting is more significant than typing.

I placed it in the front of the book I got him for Christmas. Just writing it and knowing that I was giving it to him made me feel a bit better.

I think one of my biggest mind-plagues is thinking that my dad will never know how much I care about him.

So, it felt good at least writing what I wrote to him.

I got a bit nervous when I handed him his Christmas present. It felt awkward. I wasn't sure if he'd see the letter right away, if he'd read it right away, how he would react to it.

So, I gave him his present and I went and sat down. Right away he saw the letter and was reading it. It even looked like he withdrew from all that was going on around him to read it, concentrating on it. I checked out his face a couple times while he was reading it. I'm glad I wrote the letter.

Of course, in family tradition, nothing more was said about it.

I didn't expect anything more to be said though. And honestly I'm quite content that it was just left at that.

Just another piece of the puzzle in trying to find some inner peace.