One Giant Picture

I'm all fuzzy today. I love when I have this feeling - although, it's already later in the day and starting to fade.

Sometimes all the senses seem sharper the morning after drinking Absinthe, all the while I'm feeling and looking through this cloud of "Fuzzy". Such a great "burn-out" feeling.

This morning's thoughts were concentrated some more on things like gravity, space, the cycles that surround us and make up our lives, death, life, madness, the hope that someday I'll go absolutely out of my mind and it will all puke out onto creative canvases that people drool over. It's hard to devote so much into just some idea that could turn out great or always be nothing but "at least it was created" when I'm not a very motivated person to begin with and unless it comes from an obsessive origin, I'm not a very dedicated person to trying to put something out there either...not to mention the fact that all I see is rotting and decay and nothing lasting and what's the point in putting so much effort into something if none of this really matters to begin with? And why do I have to work at some stupid job when I only have a few moments to live and they're just being wasted away most hours of the day just so I can have a TV and sit in front of a computer all evening? What is the point of going through the motions when existence doesn't matter? Maybe it's all a cycle and we go through this, or similar, over and over and over again - never realizing it's happened a thousand times by now, and will happen thousands of times again.

I've always been drawn towards the Artists that were consumed in their own madness and put out these incredible and chaotic works. I've always thought it would be incredibly great to go mad/crazy and just puke it all out for people to claw after. But in the meantime, and maybe this is all there will ever be, I can at least do my own thing and allow/encourage the madness that's already there.

It's a great feeling to see the starting points in my life to have the ability to just allow myself to be free to go insane. In this society, in order to do it safely, more has to be in place than you'd think. There needs to be that stable job that doesn't ask too much of you but enough to sustain your lifestyle. I have a girlfriend that is extremely supportive of me and my mind and my abilities and doesn't judge or harshly criticize or demean me in cruel ways and I am so very comfortable with her. I think some realizing what spirals are being taken and what needs to be kept out of those spirals is very important for today's world - of course, once you're out there enough and if you've got that X-Factor that people so drool over and they're throwing money at you for a piece of your madness, then there's more liberties a person can take with the spirals.

I want to get there.